Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
now i know why i became what i already was.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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