the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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