Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize