you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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