Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
