Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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