He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
