Yo dont text me then not text me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
