did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
