I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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