I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
