if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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