my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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