Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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