Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
