In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize