I'm so fucking centered right now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
