i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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