yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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