I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
