I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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