New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
