i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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