Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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