one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
