There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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