i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize