he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
