He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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