Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
