This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
