I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
