today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize