drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
