i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize