and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
