Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
