During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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