Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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