Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
