my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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