just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
