guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
