Your face is a jimmy john
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
