I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize