There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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