shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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