mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
