kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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