walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
