Dual....:-)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
