True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
