so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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