My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
