drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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