I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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