i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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