Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
