Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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