dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
