So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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