oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have post one night stand depression
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