haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
