Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
