She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
