and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
