wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
