i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
