They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
