M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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