my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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