I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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