i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a beard to bite.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
