Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
