the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize