Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
