I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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