I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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