Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
