Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
