If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
