i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
