I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
