my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
