You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
