How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
