He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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