I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
