two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
