There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
