Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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