I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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