I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize