i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
