everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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