Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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