need another drink. this is the easiest way
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
