When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
