all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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