Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
