Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
