ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
