I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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