Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
only you would photoshop your dick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize