The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
