guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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