she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
