its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
