This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
