I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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