You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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