Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm both gender and math confused
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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