her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
