I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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