And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
