I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
