some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
time to smoke my breakfast
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
