there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
