The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
