yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
