is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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