Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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