Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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